FEAR and Anxiety (Part II)

Found some great thoughts to ponder in a book I've been reading by Elizabeth Elliot. And friends, if ever there was a sentence that could sum up sinful fear - this is one that cuts right to the chase ~

"The lives of those who are not yet sure of their God are governed by fear, which is the antithesis of faith."
Yikes.......'not yet sure of their God'
As in, we may not articulate it as the deep rooted doubter question of "well, can God be trusted?" But it comes out of our mouths in sentences like:
"I just don't know what to do" and "what if ______?!"

We should take hold of Oswald Chambers challenged us with:
"Put ALL supposing aside, and stake everything on God." (on God's character, his word, his promises and his purpose of magnifying himself for our deepest joys)

She says in another part of the book that once we've prayed through something, and thought carefully about it in light of the scripture....we should stick with our decisions.
"Don't dig up in doubt, what you've planted in faith."

Hold fast to Christ, and everything else loosely. Hopes and dreams and earthy possessions, and "rights" and family and friends and jobs........then we won't be blown back when all of those temporary things fall by the wayside.

I posted these on the OneAnother blog, and just had to carry them over to this one. It is SO good to be reminded of the Lord's promises.

Ps 38:15 But for you, O LORD, do I wait; It is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.

Is 30:18 Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait for him

Is 49:23 Then you will know that I am the LORD; Those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.

Lam 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Micah 7:7 But as for me, I will look to the LORD;I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me.


Funny thing it is to have a cold, you can't taste anything......except that the Lord is good.

Grace and Peace to you friends ~
Jen2

"What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops." Matthew 10:27

"At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him. "What I tell you in darkness" - watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.
After every time of darkness there comes a mixture of delight and humiliation (if there is delight only, I question whether we have heard God at all), delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation - What a long time I was in hearing that! How slow I have been in understanding that! And yet God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now."

Got to love Ozzie Chambers ~ this is a great reminder that the valleys are ordained by God as a means of our sanctification, just as much as the mountain tops.
I have to say though, when the Lord is not as near, I get a little scared. Like a little 3 year old in the middle of a shopping center who lost sight of their parent. This even, has been showing me recently, that I know He has his eye on me, and He is looking out for my best interest - which would be making me like Jesus, and a deeper love and knowledge and appreciation for Him. I've been in this place before, but for some reason, I am not fretting this time.....
But I AM wrestling with not fretting because of my lack of fretting...in thinking that I should be as I was when I first got saved. Whenever I would be put into the shadows, I would get terrified that I was somehow going to walk away from the Lord and I was so determined to not let God run away from me.......always pleading with Him, "oh, please Father, please don't give up on me." and I thought that the times where God hid His face was somehow a sign of my not being saved anymore. Terrifying thought.
But now, I'm getting to know well, and deeply.....that His promise is tried, and I find myself in love with it, and ever more dependent on His word.
"Though the darkness hide thee, though the eye of sinful man, thy glories may not see"

(as Sarah Edwards and Noel Piper had reiterated) Like a weaned child is able to rest it's head on it's mother........so should faith find rest and trust in the Lord. (a little child who has been weaned is not always 'going after' it's mother, for what it can get from her........but is just able to rest easy)
Ahh......I guess we'll see what the Lord has for me in and through this time.

Resting on the Rock,
Jen2

The Graceless State ~

Okay, today and the last couple days have been hard. I'm feeling like I'm in a different world again.
Where I know that this life is temporary, but there is no view of the supernatural in my mind and heart lately. Man ! I need a LONG quiet time.....just to meditate on the word.
I'm working my tail off at work, and praise the Lord, He's given me much business! But I can't get my heart to see things as they really are.

Typically, I'm a fanatic about evangelism. But once and again, I fall into these modes where I just want to be left alone, and I haven't even the slightest thought that the person in the car next to me may be on his/her way to hell. Even last night with my hair colorist gal, whom I have been going to consistently with the intent to share the gospel.....I didn't bring up Christ. Yeah, I told her about how I've been dating this great guy and that he goes to my church, and that he's a wonderful leader, and how honoring he is and how great it is to actually know what I am the opposite of. Which normally, in using ANYTHING like this as a starting point, I would generally take the conversation right into the gospel.
I am struggling through a cold, and I'm tired and weary......And so I excuse myself in my heart thinking, "well, I don't have to share the gospel ALL the time, I need a break once in awhile" Which comforts me only for a moment....or maybe a bit longer if I'm around those type of believers who do not have any fear nor compassion that moves them to think of what awaits those who do not repent. (who don't necessarily feel the heart of the Father, in that he takes no delight in the death of the wicked, and even Jesus wept over Jerusalem, all the while knowing that they would not come to Him)
But not too long after that, when God gets me alone, He convicts me and lays the charges before me, I know that I have sinned......the sin of omission. The sin of not doing what He has commanded me. To share the gospel in season and out, regardless of how I feel......... Again, thank God for Jesus. I may be stupid and incosistent, and unable to obey my Lord....that is, unless He does it......so on my knees I go, back to active waiting with expectation......Is 41:31 "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength."

Small Group Study Coming Up ~ The History of the Catholic Church

In preparation for my small group's upcoming study of the history and beliefs of the Roman Catholic church.....I've been reading this book called "My life on the Rock" by some dude from Minnesota. It's ironic, because the guy got saved in 1977 and bought his first bible at Northwestern bookstore in Edina, MN. A wee bit close to home.
His conversion seems authentic as I read the book.....but since a catholic co-worker of mine gave it to me, I know that this guy returns to the catholic church. I was like "what the??" I have to read this. :) Since, truly, I agree with Johnny Mac in that the catholic church is the greatest mission field in the world......my wonderment at why someone who is truly converted and knows the word, would ever go back to the catholic church unless they were to go back with a vision of outreach......I had to hear his story.
I couldn't put it down last night. So far it's pretty earthy, and as he speaks in detail about the conversations he had after his conversion, with his catholic parents, it struck me with force, being pretty much identical to my parents reaction to the news that I had been saved.
"Oh, it's just a phase" and "well, it's better than her falling into doing drugs" and then their wondering if I was involved in the occult.
Oiy Vey.....Oh, yes, because the fruit of the occult makes a person stops cursing and indulging in immorality and drunkeness, then it gets really nuts - they start loving people sacrificially...... and they have this weird joy and peace and love for God.....sure, sure......I am a lunatic.
(hope you can feel my sarcasm)

I have to admit though, I was sort of hard hearted toward the catholic church upon my conversion. I was ''confirmed'' catholic - but it confirmed nothing. I was in an immoral relationship with my boyfriend at the time for crying out loud and had no idea what sin was nor that I needed to be saved FROM God BY God. The catholic church that I grew up in never told me what sin was - there was this light air about everything, and I was given the feeling that God judges on a curve, so that as long as I wasn't as bad as a murderer, God would be "all forgiving"

In the midst of feeling deceived by the church I was raised in, unfortunately, I treated my dad (a devout catholic) with disrespect and was very condescending, a great sin that the Lord has only given me grace to overcome in the last 2 years. Oh, how I hate the way I've dishonored Christ in my conversations with my dad. I love my dad so much. I regret the sin of how my heart was so haughty, as if I was saved because of anything that I might arrogate to myself....just gross..........yikes.
Yet, I still cannot, and never will say that the catholic church's doctrine is "okay".
The guy that wrote this book I'm reading had been disrespectful in a very similar way to his parents, but he seems to regret all that he said to his parents. Where I only regret the way my heart was and the tone/attitude in which I spoke the truth. As I read, I kept thinking "did this guy NOT see the part where Christ said that He did not come to bring peace, but a sword ?" Families are divided over His name.....truth, has a tendencey to divide....and I believe that we are to be at peace with the division, even if our families disown us for the sake of Christ.....hard as it may be. I thought a few times that my dad was going to cut me off......I'm pretty much ''daddy's little girl" and he's not crazy about the fact that I do not look on his religion as valid. Soon after I was saved, my little brother Jesse was saved. Then 5 years later.....(one year ago) our older brother Joseph, whose heart was hard as a rock, was broken in half by God under Pastor Piper's preaching. Joe repented, weeping in the back of the church, and is continuing to trust Christ alone as his righteousness. (with many trials)

Think Disciple brings this thought home in their song "By God"

Oh God, without You I can do nothing
By God, I can do all things
It should’ve been my hands
It should’ve been my cross
It should’ve been my nails
That pierced Your skin
So I deny myself
And I take up my cross
To follow you....Oh, yeah!

It’s not about me
For by grace, I was saved By God
And I am, not mine,
I was bought with a price, By God
And I will, live by, Every word from His mouth, By God
He won’t, back down
Push and you get pushed back, By God

Zeal or ???~

God's word is the true and proper test of the spirits, since we may be misguided in our zeal (prov19:2).......and I think that oftentimes people are suspicious of zeal and assume that it is sinful anxiety and a lack of trust in the Lord. I know this so well, and was recently reminded that some think this way of me. And so I pray and I read, and pray some more, and I am willing to be contradicted and rebuked, so I sometimes stop and think........am I blind in my zeal here??

When I examine my heart before the Lord, I know that I am naturally inclined to think well of my own motives, and I know that I am definitely in danger of a rooted prejudice.........we all are bound to believe the best. But Paul, even with a clear "conscience" said that he did not even judge himself.
But when I went on a search for a rebuke to my soul in the scriptures, God instead brought me to the Psalms and to 2 Samuel. To David.

Psalm 119:139-141
David said "My zeal consumes me because my foes forget your words; Your promise is well tried and your servant loves it. I am small and despised, but I do not forget your precepts."

And in 2 Samuel 6:14-23
David's own wife holds an unfavorable view of Him.
In their culture it was shameful for a man to lift his garment and to expose his ankles.....and the text says "And David danced before the Lord with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod. " Apparently what he was wearing was considered inappropriate for being in public and even considered shameful by the majority......as we can see in the following verses.....

Since out of the heart the mouth speaks, with Michal, the despising in her heart was revealed in vs 20 when she said "How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants' female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!!"
She obviously assumes that David is a careless fool, and one with the intent to attract attention to himself. I just stopped and thought AS IF IT WAS ABOUT DAVID making himself look good to others??! Rather, he was led by the spirit obey the command "take no thought for your life"
It would have behooved him to consider the honor / shame mentality of his culture prior to his actions......of dancing before the Lord with all his might, showing his ankles........but he did no such thing. His focus was on God alone.
His focus was right and pleasing in the sight the Lord.
God even punished his wife Michal, for her sin of evil suspicions, and not judging with right judgment. "And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death."

He was a man after God's own heart, regardless of whether or not others were going after God or not....and regardless of whether or not others approved of his actions or not....and he cared not if he was ridiculed when he danced with all his might before the Lord.
David bore shame, as would his promised offspring, the Christ; He was shamed by his own wife, because he rejoiced in the Lord.
Just think of that - his own wife, the one who should have known his heart well, and believed the best of him, thought that he was a fool......
Oh, I feel David's heart in these days.....and I agree wholeheartedly with his reply "- and I will make merry before the Lord. I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes."

Love the Lord - you His Saints !! Be glad in Him, Rejoice in Him today -
with all your might !! Regardless of whether or not you should be thought a fool.
God will deal with those who look upon you with contempt and to disgrace......don't even worry about them, even those in the church who raise the brow.....
Let God be praised by you, and let none distract you from the joy of rejoicing in His presence.

Also, guard your heart against evil suspicions of your brothers and sisters in Christ, let us rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom 12:15) and enjoy the company of those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Tim 2:22)

"But my God lives, and He has my heart; There I am, and love to be." ~ Sarah Edwards.

With Affection ~
Jen2

PS - Um, so can you tell that I LOVE the part about how David danced with all his might ? :)
I just get a great picture of the reckless abandonment and freedom and passion that we are to have with our Father.............Just a beautiful picture

Shout out to my friend Sity !!!

Learning to Trust

Learning about what it means to really "trust the Lord" hasn't struck me so much as it has in the last few weeks. We often exhort one another in saying that, but I've so little experience with the depths of what it really means. But lately, I feel as though I am battling fear, and winning, though I am not trying...... Is 30:15 "For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,"In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and in trust shall be your strength."

When dealing with decisions that may change the rest of my life, it's odd that I cannot get a pretty picture painted in my mind about what things should look like now, nor what they will look like down the road, the Lord graciously will not let my little mind go there. (believe me, I've tried......which if I was able to picture it, perhaps I would set my hopes in those things that 'might happen' that are good things but perhaps they might distract me and keep me from setting my hope in God Himself....hmmm......)

So, this sweet place where fearing the unknown is my greatest temptation, and its being overcome by God's turning my little mind effortlessly to setting my thoughts on the fact that my Father knows what He's doing, and it's like I hear Him say with great patience towards me - over and over, "Fret not thyself, Jennifer." And my heart is actually loving His command not to be anxious....... I am shocked at this....just baffled.
It is odd for me......since all who know me, know me as a "ready, shoot, aim" type of girl....waiting does not come natural to me. And that just makes this peace so supernatural.

It seems to be the rule that whenever God shows up - it always leaves me dumbfounded.....full of shock and awe......and wondering....why it has taken me so long to obey/see what I now see. (????)
I have nothing except that I love Him, I absolutely love Him.

God's Baby Girl - always,
Jennifer

Ever Have a GOOD Day ??
Day = meaning 24 hours, Good = meaning ?????

What does it mean to have a good day....Hmm ...... I wonder.
Could it be those days where you feel as though you did most everything right, and everything seemed to go your way. You had quality time in the word, great fellowship, etc

Yesterday was one of the hardest, best days I've had in a long time. I screwed up quite a bit.
It's almost a relief to see my sin so plainly.....so that I might know it and hate it....and turn from it....and seek the Lord with greater earnestness -
I wish that every day I could see how I fall so short so clearly- for the sake of my prayer times.....and the condition it puts my heart in.
Just a mendicant.
Why don't I see myself as a beggar always.....my true state before the Lord.....sigh.
Yesterday was a good day.

All I got,
Jen2

True Lowliness of Mind

Jonathan Edwards description of one who is truly of a humble disposition is that he is led by the vigor of a lowly spirit within, and that he does not put himself forward to be the one to teach, guide or manage others, he is far more apt to have the desire to be taught. "Be ye swift to hear, and slow to speak." And when they do speak, he says, it is not with a bold masterly air, but humility disposes them to speak, rather, trembling.

The best description I've read regarding true lowliness of mind was that the falsly humble will look upward - to the place that they feel their proper station is, and in view of the short distance that they have descended, they call this "humility" and admire it, and also, they think that God does too.
The truly humble, on the other hand, will look down from where he is, no matter how low he is brought, and be convinced that it is a shameful thing that one so sinful as he is brought no lower before God. In his mind, he has not reached the depths of his proper station, and he calls that distance pride, and loathes it. Believing that any humility he may have is worthy to be called little, and therefore not worth mentioning in comparision to the remaining corruption.

In lowiness of mind, consider others better than yourselves.......it should not be a hard thing to do, since we see our own insides. We only need to get a better, a more true picture of the heights to which our love and obedience ought to ascend.
The more we comprehend of what we ought to be doing, the more we will see how far we fall short......which produces the broken and contrite heart that the Lord God loves.

I only write what convicts my little heart....... my brother tells me to preach to myself...so this is sort of how I'm working that out.

May the Lord take us lower...and strip us of pride for His name's sake.

In Christ by sheer mercy,
oatmeal

A picture of myself and my friend Kat at a friend's wedding.
(I have only a few pics on my computer.....and am in need of Yen's help to
figure all this high-tech stuff out. Hopefully, when she's not engaged in rubber band wars, she'll sit me down and show me what life is like in the big city :)

Next pic will probably be one of my Dad......OR as I call him, "Papa Daas"

“Honor Everyone” 1 Peter 2:17 (ESV)

A truly humble Christian is not only disposed to honor the saints in his behavior; but others also, in all those encounters with those whose ways do not imply a visible approbation of their sins. Thus Abraham, in the great pattern of believers, honored the children of Heth: Gen 23:7, “Abraham stood up, and bowed himself to the people of the land.”
This was a remarkable instance of a humble behavior towards them that were out of Christ, and that Abraham knew to be accursed, and therefore would by no means suffer his servant to take a wife to his son from among them;
So also, Paul honored Festus: Acts 26:25, “I am not mad most noble Festus”

Not only will Christian humility dispose persons to honor those wicked men that are outside the visible church, but also false brethren and persecutors. As Jacob, when he was in an excellent frame, having just been wrestling all night with God, and received the blessing, honored Esau, his false and persecuting brother: Gen 33:3
“Jacob bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother Esau.”
So he called him lord, and commanded all his family to honor him in like manner.

Thus, Jonathan Edwards has endeavored to describe the heart and behavior of one that is governed by a truly gracious humility, as exactly agreeable to the scriptures as he was able.

I have to say that the confidence that we should have in the wrath of God, and the desire to imitate the lamb-like, dove-like temper of Christ should make us quietly bold when the occasion arises that we have opportunity to respond in love to the enemies of Christ.......since while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Luke 6:35
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."

If our heart is set on things above, (scripture and thoughts of Christ's return, our blessed hope) then we will be able to be led by the Spirit to respond with the grace of our Father.
We all know well how our flesh responds when it is wronged.....and is it not easy to tell whether or not we are walking by the Spirit when our "rights" have been violated?!?!?!

But as Oswald Chambers wrote...somewhere......(I'll find it) "As believers, we have no rights, we have only responsibilities." God is not a democrat that we should vote for Him....Christ is King unelected- and His throne will not be compromised. So we can take heart.....our King is just and righteous and Holy.....and as it says in Romans 12:19-21
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengence in mine, I will repay, says the Lord"
To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not overcome evil by evil, but overcome evil with good."

For the sake of the Name ~ Let us love our enemies.
Jen2

Created for His Glory ~ In ALL things.........including being a female :)

Yesterday I had the most ackward moment I've ever had in my life, and so I thought I'd blog it........sure, it's one thing to have a normal secular guy ask us out once in awhile.......(right ladies)
But I had never had a man older than my grandfather imply such things in my life.

It was supposed to be a business meeting.....here in my office (I am a Consumer Lender) and we just got to talking about his time in WWII and about books and philosophy and what not.
(I am always looking for ways to get the gospel in.... of course)

Well, a little while into a story he stopped.....and said that he should get going but that he didn't want to because I was "fun" to talk to, and then complimented my exterior person (which is wasting away)
He then asked me if I would ever want an 80 year old boyfriend. Assuming his comment to be lighthearted banter, I replied "I doubt your wife would be on board with that!"
And...that's when his reply made it very clear that he was not joking.
I brushed it off and asked him a question about the story he had started and he got back to sharing it.
Later in our conversation, he spoke of how he was a lukewarm lutheran. Well, with him saying that, I felt at liberty to ask what that meant. :) He said that he disagreed with the doctrines of the church and that he preferred classical music. (insert - shout out to my friend JS)
With this wide open opportunity to make clear the gospel, I went on to speak of my disagreements with the fact that so many churches have forsaken the Gospel. (I was talking to him as if I assumed that he agreed with my position on the matter... :)

Actually, he was going to leave a couple times throughout our discussions regarding WWII and philosophy for sake of time, but he stuck around........that is, until we got to the crux of the matter:
He said something about modern ART being vulgar and that he will never set foot in the Walker again. I said "I know! AND they are actually teaching pornography at the University and calling it ART........they had better get ready for the judgement, when Christ comes back all things will be set right. He's coming back soon......the first time he came as a Lamb, but next time it's going to be devastating for those who do not repent."

That's when the gentleman's face went a tad pale, he paused, and then stood up abruptly and said "Well, I've taken enough of your time, have an enjoyable day, I'll get you the name of the author of that book we discussed."

Praise the Lord !! He was offended by Christ and not by me - and it was quite obvious....

2 Cor 2:16 (NLT, just because I love the wording of this text in NLT)
"To those who are perishing we are a fearful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved we are a life-giving perfume."

Oh.....That we could all be more of the aroma of Christ......at any cost.
I challenge myself often, that if I get vague and very private about the faith for fear of losing my job.......seriously ask myself WHOM DO YOU TRUST? and WHERE IS YOUR TREASURE?

If we wholeheartedly trust the Lord's Sovereignty over ALL things - than we need to prove our faith in our actions as Rahab did. She KNEW that the God of Israel was the Almighty Jahovah, and her faith and desire to take refuge with the people of God, led her to hide the spies.

If we get fired for obedience to Christ, and for the sake of the Name, should we not consider ourselves blessed, and rejoice in Hope?!!
Do we treasure Christ so much that we count all as loss as Paul did ~ including our "beloved careers?" (and so, if we lose our job as we obey Him, will He not will provide for our needs?)
Matt 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." That, is a wonderful promise that frees us to obey !!

Honestly, I am growing weary in speaking about this topic, with trying to convince professing christians (mainly my co-workers) that they need not be ashamed of Christ. Why is there need to whisper His name when the rest of the sentence is spoken in a normal tone?!?!?
Jesus was clear: Luke 9:26 "For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels."


Love Him with all that you are friends ~ He is the only one who will never fail us~

Rev 12:11
"And they conquered him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, for they loved NOT their lives, even unto death."

Constantly Fervent ~

A Favorite Devotional by Oswald Chambers ~ "Shallow and Profound"

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

"Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow concerns of life are not ordained of God; they are as much of God as the profound. It is not your devotion to God that makes you refuse to be shallow, but your wish to impress other people with the fact that you are not shallow, which is a sure sign that you are a spiritual prig. Be careful of the production of contempt in yourself, it always comes along this line, and causes you to go about as a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than you are.
Beware of posing as a profound person; God became a Baby.
To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps: the ocean, with it's deepest of deeps, has a shore. The shallow amenities of life, eating and drinking, walking and talking, are all ordained by God. These are the things in which Our Lord lived. He lived in them as the Son of God, and He said that "the disciple is not above his Master."
Our safeguard is in the shallow things. We have to live the surface common-sense life in a common-sense way; when the deeper things come, God gives them to us apart from the shallow concerns. Never show the deeps to anyone but God. We are so abominably serious, so desperately interested in our own characters, that we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.
Determinedly take only God seriously, and the first person you find you have to leave severely alone as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself."


Umm, ouch.
I think I'll just leave this post at that.

God bless us with sanctified affliction ~

Rev 2:4
"But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first."

I have been consumed with desire for the childlike faith that I used to have and that "just saved" feeling ........so much so that I've went back and re-read my first journals. I remember how I loved the Lord so easily and so powerfully when He first revealed Himself to me.....how I was so eager to be taught by Him and was so sensitive to the Spirit and had faith that if God could change a girl like me, then He could save anyone and accomplish ANYTHING, and I prayed that way. I've been longing for that faith and simplicity to return with power.
It seems that sometimes being in a church where everyone is soo serious and so cautious about the structure of their sentences, and sounding profound, that we tend to want to impress each other......(at least this is my experience, in my own heart)
The Lord has mercifully humbled me lately....I can't call to mind helpful texts at the right time to add to conversation, and I am usually off base. HAHA !! I love my Father so much.....and finally, I am not feeling dejected.....my joy in seeing Him work has been restored.
I keep holding onto the promise in Heb 11:6
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

I hold Him to that promise ~ everyday :)

And this morning has been exceedingly joyful !
The CD player in my car has been "out of commission" for about a year and a half now, but I decided to give it a go this morning with my Jennifer Knapp CD......and it worked.
The Lord is soo good to allow my heart to worship him with singing on my way to work!!

"Testimony, come now quickly, whisper in my ear,
Celebration
Peace at last not far away, an empty sheet, a borrowed grave-
Salvation
Come freedom come,
Come freedom come!"

Imagine finding the empty grave & empty sheet that morning 1973 years ago -
Our Savior lives and has freed us from the fear of death and has broken the power of sin

With all my might ~
Jen2

Great Sermon this Morning -

Thank God for brothers like RC Sproul ~ His sermon today was piercing. Good for my soul, which has been very weary lately.
He spoke about how guilt is not primarily subjective. (meaning that you not only guilty if you feel guilty) But it is objective......you've either broken God's law or you haven't....whether you have an answerable frame of heart or not.

It was very helpful because sometimes I wonder why I feel a deep conviction about certain transgressions, yet for others that I feel like I should be convicted about - there isn't the shame that I know I ought to have. He made the point that over time if we refuse to heed God's word, and allow the sense of shame to have it's sanctifying affect, (pangs of guilt) we can become calloused as David did, and not even realize the horror of his depravity. That is, until Nathan said to him "Thou art the man" and David was shattered and convicted.....he felt subjectively the truth - that he was guilty. (objectively)


Still ringing in my heart is a very powerful sermon by my pastor John Piper from March 6, 2005 called "The present affects at trembling at the wrath of God."
I could not move from my seat after that sermon for about an hour and a half. I highly recommend the sermon for any who have a desire to understand better what it is that we have been saved from.....knowing what will come upon those who do not trust in Christ.........whew.

My little brother gave me great insight to seek to align my heart more with the weight of Calvary. He told me that if I am dismissive about certain sins, and I can visibly see and know them to be wrong based on God's word, to meditate on the scriptures that speak of that particular sin until the cross and my sin collide with force enough to break through the remaining resistance and hardness of my heart. We need to fight for our consciences to become more sensitive - with all our might that we do not forget the beauty of mercy, and to lay ourselves low before God, humbly dependent on His imputed righteousness - Jesus the Christ.

More Cross Movement ~

Everyday we're going to die,
"we" meaning, me, myself and I,
or else - self will try,
to get satisfied, fulfilled inside,
But self must be killed,
That's why my 'self' will lie
In a coffin, often
Self does try,
to let greed creep in,
and be like "just get by"
That's a lie though,
because I dive low to get high, though,
cause he lifts me up like 'hydro' - easy.
But the Spirit's on the scene,
so when I try to grip the green,
instead of slipping like a fiend,
I maintain my steam, control intervenes,
and I'm reminded, that we belong to the King."

I'm not recommending morbid introspection......since we are not the focus!!!
I need to work hard to remember the grace and love of our great God more. Since true humility is not "thinking less of ourselves" - But IT IS "thinking of ourselves less."

Eph 2:8 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God"

I'm just thinking that the sensitive conscience begets a tender heart that will have more of an urgent need to fly to Christ, and when we think more about the realities that those who are unconverted are facing daily.........it tends to lead to more sincerity in our outreach.

Thank God for Jesus today ~

Difficult and Precious ~ The obedience God requires of women

I've been thinking about this lately........how we single women should take the opportunity to practice respect as often as possible with our brothers in Christ......and sadly, I see myself falling so short of this very important practice. (thank God that I can learn this though)
Of course, the way that we will submit to our own husband will be quite different, but my mentor gave me good counsel that we can and should seize the opportunity to practice respecting and submitting to brothers in Christ whose character warrants it.
So, in attempting to UNLEARN all that the world has taught me (in my pre-saved days).......I've been reading some great books that Ann gave me. One is called "The Fruit of Her Hands" by Nancy Wilson.
I love her writing because she does not yield to psychobabble. She cuts right into the heart with scripture and leaves no room for us to attempt to excuse our sin away.

Here is a snip-it:

Eph 5:33b
"Let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Eccl 10:1
"Dead Flies putrefy the perfumer's ointment, and cause it to give off a foul odor; so does a little folly to one respected for wisdom and honor."

"Wives are commanded to see to it that they respect their husbands. Husbands were not commanded to see to it that their wives respect them. The command is directed at the wives themselves. Certainly this does not mean that the wife's conduct is outside the husband's jurisdiction; but it does appear that Paul's injunction is worded in such a way as to lay the responsibility squarely on the wife's lap. He says, make sure you do this. A wife is to see that this duty is accomplished. Women see that the children are clean, the meals are prepared, that laundry gets done, and countless other tasks, but are they as diligent to see to it that they respect their husbands? "

Men are commanded to love their wives - not based on whether or not they are easily lovable at the moment, but because God has commanded it. Likewise, the wives are to respect their husbands regardless of whether or not they believe that their husband has "earned it." Surely, human husbands will not be perfect, and so our respect can not be based on their performance, but on our own relationship to the Father, and our desire to obey and trust the Lord, knowing that it is good for us to obey this, and all of His commands.
She is so serious about the issue of respect that if a woman comes to her for counsel, the first question that she asks is "Does your husband know that you're seeking my counsel?"
If the wife is seeking help and counsel on how to respect and follow her husband, it makes sense that the wife begin first by asking for his permission before sharing intimate details of their relationship with someone he's never met.

ISN'T that helpful !!!??? I love this book!! Nancy Wilson should have a business card with her title being "Director of Paradigm Shifting"

Wellp.....now....I'm going to prayerfully seek to practice respect......Nancy also gives great answers to my "How" question. :)
I have many more thoughts on this topic, but I have to get to work for now.

Love from above and in all truth ~
J2