Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Graceless State ~

Okay, today and the last couple days have been hard. I'm feeling like I'm in a different world again.
Where I know that this life is temporary, but there is no view of the supernatural in my mind and heart lately. Man ! I need a LONG quiet time.....just to meditate on the word.
I'm working my tail off at work, and praise the Lord, He's given me much business! But I can't get my heart to see things as they really are.

Typically, I'm a fanatic about evangelism. But once and again, I fall into these modes where I just want to be left alone, and I haven't even the slightest thought that the person in the car next to me may be on his/her way to hell. Even last night with my hair colorist gal, whom I have been going to consistently with the intent to share the gospel.....I didn't bring up Christ. Yeah, I told her about how I've been dating this great guy and that he goes to my church, and that he's a wonderful leader, and how honoring he is and how great it is to actually know what I am the opposite of. Which normally, in using ANYTHING like this as a starting point, I would generally take the conversation right into the gospel.
I am struggling through a cold, and I'm tired and weary......And so I excuse myself in my heart thinking, "well, I don't have to share the gospel ALL the time, I need a break once in awhile" Which comforts me only for a moment....or maybe a bit longer if I'm around those type of believers who do not have any fear nor compassion that moves them to think of what awaits those who do not repent. (who don't necessarily feel the heart of the Father, in that he takes no delight in the death of the wicked, and even Jesus wept over Jerusalem, all the while knowing that they would not come to Him)
But not too long after that, when God gets me alone, He convicts me and lays the charges before me, I know that I have sinned......the sin of omission. The sin of not doing what He has commanded me. To share the gospel in season and out, regardless of how I feel......... Again, thank God for Jesus. I may be stupid and incosistent, and unable to obey my Lord....that is, unless He does on my knees I go, back to active waiting with expectation......Is 41:31 "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength."


At 8/25/2006 2:58 PM, Blogger Joanna Martens said...

girl, i can relate!
praise God for allowing these times b/c the gracious gift of God bringing you back to Himself is so much sweeter! Think of these times as growing experiences- no matter how hard and depressing they seem. And God is never too far from you!


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