Sel-fish caught ~ found to be.....not such a rare fish.

God has a way of using other people as mirrors to show us our own depravity.
Lately I've been seeing just how much I seek my own interests, and how hard it is to hold my tongue and think about what is best for other people............especially since the flesh has a way of disguising a selfish ambition within me, making it seem as though there is something that I should expect from other people, like I have rights to this or that.
That is not the heart of our Savior.......and although I can't pinpoint exactly what to call the sin - the self serving me recognizes the call to repent of it nonetheless.

Ozzie's reading today:
"Never apologize for your Lord. The words of the Lord hurt and offend until there is nothing left to hurt or offend. Jesus Christ has no tenderness whatsoever toward anything that is ultimately going to ruin a man in the service of God. Our Lord's answers are based not on caprice, but on a knowledge of what is in man. If the Spirit of God brings to your mind a word of the Lord that hurts you, you may be sure that there is something He wants to hurt to death."

I can't remember where I heard the thought that nowhere in the bible will you find a lesson that Oprah would endorse.......the Scripture does not bring a person to look admirably at themselves.....(self-esteem) You cannot get to God when you sit and gaze in the mirror and say "I'm really somethin"
Instead, the bible assumes the reality that people already DO love themselves - too much actually.......and since self love comes so naturally to man, God bases His command to love others -on that very point...........love your neighbor as yourself.


Beat up by Grace ~ Praise the Lord !
Oats

A State of Contentment

I was thinking about how much I really am like a sheep this morning on my way to work.
"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."

It's a foolish thing to think that we are incapable of our hearts wandering......it seems to be that when I go more than 24 hours without reading God's word, it takes a little while, but I can see my heart's striving to be satisfied in everything and anything......except Christ. No wonder I feel discontent when I'm not in the word!!

When I'm thinking about things with a God-centered worldview, I am so much more thankful and hopeful and joyful..........but as soon as I stop running to the means of grace (Bible) I start to grumble and get anxious about everything in my life - My ministry, my relationship, my friendships.....oiy vey....everything seems so hard.

God is so kind to come and get us stupid sheep when we wander off from the safety of the fold.....to turn our hearts back to Him with ease and cause a thirst for the word.

"Today we have substituted credal belief for personal belief, and that is why so many are devoted to causes and so few devoted to Jesus Christ. People do not want to be devoted to Jesus, but only to the cause He started. Jesus Christ is a source of deep offense to the educated mind of today that does not want Him in any other way than as a "Comrade."
Our Lord's first obedience was to the will of His Father, not to the needs of men; the saving of men was the natural outcome of His obedience to the Father. If I am devoted to the cause of humanity only, I will soon be exhausted and come to the place where my love will falter; but if I love Jesus Christ personally and passionately, I can serve humanity though men treat me as a door-mat. The secret of a disciple's life is devotion to Jesus Christ, and the characteristic of the life is its unobtrusiveness. It is like a corn of wheat, which falls into the ground and dies, but then it will spring up and alter the whole landscape (John 12:24). "

Oswald Chambers, Ladies and Gentlemen.....brought to you by the grace of God, and the number 7 and the letter J. :)

Back to the Sheperd!!.....He has called, let us run quickly to draw near to Him. Surely, He is the one who protects and provides for us......and loves us with an everlasting love!!
What a Savior........what a Savior.......whew.

In Him By Him ~
Jen2

GOSPEL ? - Game on.

I was soo blessed and encouraged today as I got to share the gospel with a client who is going through a really really rough time. He is a very kind and humble man, who loves his wife and children very much. His wife is in the hospital and just delivered their premature baby daughter, who weighed in just under 3lbs. She is doing well, by God's amazing grace........but her parents are going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Just last year, they buried their 8 day old baby daughter.......(circumstances were very similar to the recent premie's)

The Lord was so kind to open a door for conversations with them and to allow me to feel deeply what they're feeling. Then, God was able to lovingly share the truths of His in His providing a way for us to be with Him, in Christ Jesus alone. The law was not necessary in this case, because the Lord had broken his heart and he was very contrite before we even began talking about sin and righteousness..........ie...the need for a sacrifice. He knew it, and he fought tears as we talked about the amazing mercy and forbearance of God. I could cry now just thinking about them......thoughts of the kindness of the Lord in and through such tremendous trials as hard as this one....how God exalts Himself to show mercy on us.... I ended up giving them that verse actually Is 30:18-20
"Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait for him.
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher."

Promised adversity and promised affliction, YET , we are promised that in the end - we shall see our Teacher. The Christ.
I pray that what was said will encourage them to trust in the Sovereign Lord and not in themselves.....and to know deeply that God has GOOD purposes in all that He does.....even if we're left with a big question mark above our heads when things happen that seem unloving.

Is 26:3 "You keep him in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You."

Ahh, to be Held........

In Christ Jesus, God reconciled us to Himself.
Standing in wonder......again.
All I got ~
Oats

When it all falls down ~

There is a DVD sermon series called "The Blazing Center" and there are so many powerful exhortations throughout - that I don't think I have time to blog them all.

Pastor Piper said something to the effect that when you go through suffering, not if, but when - that is when you will find out if all of your "Praise you, Praise you Jesus" in church was real or not. The props in your life, the things that are well with you right now are guaranteed to fail....eventually.....it's all a part of the curse that came to us because of sin.

Getting our hearts prepared for suffering has a deepening affect I'm learning.
For instance, thinking about "what ifs" is good for me I think.....like what if, my brother died today......would I hit my knees like Job and say "Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Man I hope so.....I feel like I would.....but man...I hope that I go first. (yikes, is that selfish?)

Then also, thinking about the smaller trials......what of them?
How will I react when I pop a tire driving down the road or if I run out of gas at the end of my driveway as I did the other day? Will I grumble, or by walking in the Spirit will I say heartily "Blessed be the name of the Lord" ???
What if....I got into a car accident and my face was all smashed in, broken and cut up......what then......do I think that I would be less useful to His Kingdom without that superficial confidence........I think that that would be a hard trial for any girl.......
Man, to go through some of these trials would be like gold being set into the hottest part of the fire in order to remove the dross. It's purpose is to prove that our faith is genuine, and to purify it further.....
I long for it and dread it at the same time. What if.....I get married and have children as I've always hoped for, and then in one night they get all get into a car accident and I lose everything that I had prayed for!!!??
I don't even know what my babies will be like, but that thought just makes me want to cry out to God.......I still love Jesus......and by God's grace alone He keeps us running to him. What a glorious thing that is. It's sort of like my little brother Jesse. When we were little he would get disciplined by my mom for something, (spanked) and then he would cry super hard and go to her to be comforted. I was like.....what the???? Why does he seek comfort from her, doesn't he realize that she just disciplined him ?!! Now, as a believer, I get it. :)
To be afflicted, but never abandoned - He's promised persecution and affliction, AND He's promised that He will never forsake us.......both are for our good.

I don't feel as though I grumbled necessarily the other day when I ran out of gas......I wasn't discouraged, but where was my thankfulness to God for the fact that I ran out of gas at the end of my driveway on Sunday morning and not at 11pm on a 35w or on a not-so-safe street?
I didn't even consider that until today. (Still, though, if my car had ran out of gas in some other place.......God is Sovereign and would have good purposes regardless...perhaps if the location was different, I might have given Him more of a thought in the situation for crying out loud!)

To be loved by the Sovereign God of the Universe is such an amazing thing.
We need only be more thankful in all things in order to walk in view of His Sovereignty.....as in this snip it I copied from my friend Joey's blog, which she copied from Pastor Piper's book. :)
(check out her blog - it rocks, at www.aspiringgirl.blogspot.com)

"Imagine for a moment that your city were surrounded by enemy forces who aimed to destroy you. And you are aware that enemy sympathizers live and work in the city with a view to undermining the city's defenses. And suppose you discover that there is song which the enemy and their sympathizers cannot tolerate or approach. Whenever they hear it, they pull back and run the other direction.Isn't it certain that you would want to learn this song? And after you learned it you would sing it when you went to bed at night and when you got up in the morning. You would sing it on the way to work, and whenever you were among strangers. And as your confidence grew you would even venture outside the city and sing it as you walked boldly through the enemy lines on your way to another town. The more deeply imbedded in your mind the song became, the more steady and deep and serene and fearless your life would become. Others would see and hear and learn the song from you. And in the end you would conquer the enemy, and there would be no threat at all. And there is a song that Satan and his sympathizers cannot tolerate or approach—namely, the song of thanks to God.…thankfulness is an essential guardian of the soul, and therefore we should guard ourselves with gratitude. Evidently we are fair game for the devil when we don't abound with thanksgiving. Unless the song of thanksgiving is being sung in our hearts the enemy outside will deceive his way into the city of our soul, and the enemy sympathizers within will make his job easy. So for the sake of your own safety, strive to fill your heart with thanksgiving! Guard your selves with gratitude!"

Look forward to the prize in light of the high cost of the calling in Christ Jesus ~
It's that 'sorrowful yet always rejoicing' deal. :)

Jen2

"Satan does not come on the line of tempting us to sin, but on the line of shifting our point of view, and only the Spirit of God can detect this as a temptation of the devil"

Ozzie does it again.......and it lines up much with one of the missions of my pastor - to encourage us all to have a God-centered world view. We must keep watch and fight against anything that could tempt us to think from a different perspective.
Pastor Piper's pointing out what we're so easily satisfied in really hit home this weekend. What are we thinking is going to satisfy us? The world or the things of it?!!
You can put arsenic in a chocolate cake and make it taste sweet........but death is the result regardless. Likewise, when we are satisfied in our lives by temporal things like financial stability, looks, athletic abilities, jobs, family, spouses, etc.
If we are comfortable and peaceful because all is well in these areas of our lives, we have a great need to examine ourselves and see if we're in the faith. Faith is in God and through Christ.....not faith in material blessings.
So, I'm doing this heart inventory currently......and I fear that I am probably pretty blind to how I really feel joy and satisfaction in this life. Things are well with me. Is all well with my soul because my heart is resting on Christ though? Oh, I hope that God will reveal this to me.
My dad once said that if you lean too much on someone or something....and it moves, you will fall flat on your face. Well, then that just means that we should lean only on the one immovable rock!!
Cars rust, looks fade, health fails, spouses/family/friends will die......but Christ needs to remain my strength and my song.

To lunch I go, to fix my gaze on Him who never fails.
May our great God bless you with more of Himself today friends ~

Since 2000,
Jennifer

"The great crisis comes spiritually when a man has to emerge a bit farther on than the creed he has accepted."

BAM ! Ozzie throws down truth like Emeril when he's adding a new ingredient.

(Ozzie is Oswald Chambers for those of you just tuning in)

Have a blessed weekend ~
Jen2

Ahh, Relationships

Great song by Patty Loveless called Strong Heart.

It takes a strong heart, to see love through,
it takes a lot of faith, more than I ever knew,
To cry and never let it show,
to hold on tight and not let go.

I grew up listening to country music, and I can't get away from how earthy it is. Just like the blues.......they tell the truth of the human heart's experience in relationships.
Seriously, It's hard to care deeply for people. It's not that it might be painful, it IS painful.
You put yourself in a position of vulnerability, a place where you go only because you know there might be the fruit of love there - the sweetest, most rare fruit to taste.
Christ loved us, his bride that way. He gave everything, nothing held back.
Whew....and then I look at how hard it is for us weak humans to give up even the tiniest of our little preferences for another!!! Good Grief ! (that was for B, he says that all the time :)
What an amazing testimony of the love of Christ to seek to give up our own interests for the sake of another. Hmmm....I'm not done thinking about that yet........hmmmm........

In the meantime.....
An Arizona brother named Frank, (who will be a Minnesotan soon) has been blogging about the dramatic interplay between men and women that they desire to honor Christ, but many of us have no idea how to go about doing that in the dating arena. Great Blog - check it out at www.iseedaylight.com


For the sake of the Name,

Jennifer

The Realities of the Spiritual Realm ~

This may make me out to be a complete nut......but so be it. Yesterday I had to drive quite a ways to a closing. (I'm a lender) I hadn't a clue that I would arrive 40 minutes early....so I decided to pull into a parking lot and perhaps take a nap. But I just felt like that would have been a waste of time. So I pulled out my bible......well, not too long after reading, I got to thinking about all of the unbelievers that I pray for and care about....and my muslim friends came to mind. They had given me a Qu'ran in english a few months ago, but I had not opened it to date. Well, in listening to Pastor Piper's morning DG message about Islam and what led the terrorists to murder people and truly believe that it was a good and pleasing thing to Allah.......I decided to get the Qu'ran out of my trunk and figure out how they could come to such a conclusion. The scripture tells us that Satan is both a liar and a murderer........and what else could lead people to such a grievous thing as what happened on Sept 11, 01 ?
Believing lies so much so that it led to a mass murder in the name of God.

As I sat and read the book, there are many things that I noticed right away......like how the Qu'ran continually refers to the People of the Book. (meaning us, Christians and I believe it includes the Jews as well) The funny thing is that there is some truth in their book.....half truths. They believe that Muhammed was the one that Jesus promised would come after Him, but we know that to be the promised Holy Spirit. (they mention the Holy Spirit, but it seems they think that to be the angel gabriel.....this is just an assumption that I need to look into further)
Anyhow, the crux of the matter, is that they reject that Jesus is who He said He was. They flat out deny His deity.......just as the Jews do. They mention how the Jews are blinded by God, but they cannot even see where they are a miss. The Qu'ran definitely has a high view of God's sovereignty, but the fact that the book spends much of it's time saying that Jesus is not who Christians say he is.......is just satanic. As I read I felt an immense weight of the truth of Christ Jesus......and that satan has started these false religions that are half truths....but deny the only part that matters for salvation, the deity, the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross and his resurrection. Muslims acknowledge the divine virgin birth, that Jesus was sinless, and they call him the Messiah even. Oh, how surprised must those men be that have given their lives to suicide/homicide missions in the name of God. Their torment is immeasurable I'm sure.

So last night, I had a delightful dinner with my dad, (PPD) and arrived at home around 10:30 or so. I sat down on my bed excited to learn more about what exactly triggers the mindset of radical Islam. I grew tired, as usual, and just left the book on my bed, open, as I fell asleep.

I remember looking at the clock at 11:03 or something to check that my alarm was set, just before falling asleep. I woke suddenly and with confusion and looked to the foot of my bed and without a doubt saw a spiritual figure....I believe to be a demon. I noticed that my reading light was off......which was odd, as it was on as I was falling asleep........
I stared at the terrifying being for at least 15 seconds before it disappeared. I rolled over to look at the time and to turn my little light back on. It was only 11:38pm. I prayed and prayed in the Name of the One that demons must obey.....the Living Christ.
All in my heart calmed down, and peace came over me.......I was like "what am I afraid of?"
God reigns!

So, today I keep thinking - what happened and why?
I know from talking with muslims that dreams are very important to them......and can it not be that in reading the Qu'ran and then having this experience would cause someone to feel validated in the belief of the Qu'ran ? Satan is a beautiful demon....we all know this.
He loves to deceive.....and he knows how to affect the unregenerate heart.
But the flock of God, the sheep of Christ know Him and follow Him.....and will never follow another.
We run when we do not recognize the Father. I ran to my Father last night.....and I fear for the muslim people like never before. Had I not been given the Holy Spirit, I believe that I could have been deceived by that experience last night. I will never question a muslim who claims to have had a vision ever again........but I now feel the weight of what we are up against.

Eph 6:12
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

May the Lamb that was Slain receive the honor and glory and praise due His Name!!
All Hail the Power of Jesus Name!!!

Wrestle well dear brothers and sisters ~ Heaven and Hell are at stake everyday.
In Christ Jesus, and more grateful than ever before,
Jen2

Phil 2:3
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves"

Okay, so it's pretty obvious that Christianity is not simply exchanging a list of what things we used to do for a list of things we now ought to do.............it's so much more....we must have our heart behind it. Pastor Piper had a wonderful point this weekend in the sermon about how the gap between what we ''ought to do'' and what we '''want to do'' becomes smaller as we mature in the Lord. We should find more and more that we delight to do what is right and good and commanded.
IT GETS EASIER ??!! Whew...what a relief. I'll keep looking forward to that.

I'm learning so much lately about what it means to fight my flesh in order to do what is right......man, the flesh is sneaky......and any relief from the Lord that would cause my heart to delight in this battle would be very sweet.

Relationships, especially the closest ones, really tend to show you yourself in truth. I had no idea that I could be so self seeking......and "looking out for number 1."
The disgusting question that the flesh continues to bolster up throughout my days is "what about me?" Aggghhh!!!
So, wrestling to obey Phil 2:3 not only in my actions, but in the depths of my heart, regardless of how I'm treated, is what I am aiming at. Cleaning the inside of the cup, repenting while doing the "ought to's" because my heart is not in it the way that I want it to be.
I understand quite a bit better why Pastor Piper calls this a WAR, and tells us to quit murmuring. "Murmur Murmur Murmur......MAKE WAR!!"
Talking about our struggles and failures doesn't make us win the battle against the flesh.....but the way that we will win, is by taking up the sword (the scriptures) against the enemy of "self" and thereby putting to death the deeds of the body.

It's sort of odd to be a girl saying "make war" but if we're not killing our own sin, sin will kill us. One of us is going to die.

Pressing on in the strength that God supplies ~
Jen2

Patience in Sanctification

Why can't I just be sanctified now?? I often joke about this, but really sometimes get bent out of shape that I am not where I "should be" .....well, in my opinion anyway.
I'm thinking that God wants me to go through the pains and trials to prove the genuiness of the work that He has done in me......sort of like Job. It's all to draw attention and praise to Himself....because no one can thwart His work. Is 43:13 "Also henceforth I am He; There is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?"

Lately, I've had this budding thought wondering how I can be so impatient with not only my own sanctification, but that of my brothers and sisters?
It seems that Christians expect more from Christians......as if being justified by means that we no longer sin...... Oiy vey !

I see this usually with aquaintences who know eachother only a little bit, but even more so with those who are seeking a spouse. Perfection is almost expected, in the other person's behavior and ambition and ministry, etc...... (keep in mind, that I only recognize this in others because I see it in myself.....seeing a splinter in someone else's eye, you must have a Log made out of the same wood in your own eye - if you can easily recognize it...!)

I mean, yikes.......that the one our hearts are drawn to is without a doubt - a filthy sinner saved by the mercy and grace of God is not a pretty thought that appeals to our deepest desires for a marriage partner. (hence the need to delight thyself in the Lord)
And so, in the world of singles, and even at the best churches there is a pressure to come across to others as though we are "completed Christians."
Since, why would anyone desire a sinner for a spouse??!!
(hope you're picking up what I'm throwing down here)

Lately, the love that covers sin has been on my heart, in thinking about Christ loving us, his enemies, and dying a horrific death and bearing an infinite wrath.......to bring us near to God.

Looking past those things that 'need work' in others by remembering how much I need them to overlook my shortcomings in order for any of us to be in fellowship with one another. Of course, I would hope that things that do not honor Christ would eventually come to the light to be forsaken, by a word from a sister or brother......but to know that they will not forsake me when they are asking me to forsake some behavior of mine.....is just a freeing thought.....
Love that takes over my actions so that I disappear and Christ can love His people through me.

Disciple's song "Remembering"

"I was still a sinner when you gave your life for me,
while I cursed your name, you stretched your hand out and rescued me.
Wiped my sin away with just one touch of your great love,
so I will sing your praise and put my hope in what you've done."

Hallelujah ! What a Savior ~
"Let the love of Christ rule in your hearts."

With affection,
jen2

Getting to the CRUX of matter

With today being the first of September........I'm gearing up for the Bethlehem classes and in depth study in my small group and the ministry. 2006 has already been a huge trial for me in my faith. A good one for sure and still in process. God has seemed to be very near and then very far throughout......and now, heading into the fall equals = more responsibility and ever more dependence on the Lord. (well, more awareness of my utter dependence anyhow....because yes, my next breath will be....if God gives it to me !!!)

Ever deal with fear by simply not thinking about what it is that you're fearing?
That was how I dealt with everything fearful before I was saved....and unfortunately, sometimes that's how I am attempted to deal with fearful things now days.
Just by refusing to think about it. Oh, sure, it can even come across to brothers and sisters like I have it all together. But deep down I'm not relying on the Lord, I'm relying on my ability to not think about this or that.
I have more than a sneaking suspicion that that is not how I am to deal with fears and fretting as a believer. That is NOT faith, even if it comes with someone saying that "God is Sovereign" because of course He is!!
So my conclusion today is that thinking and praying and feeling through promises is the way I need to go. If I just put on a happy face, and walk around pretending that I am not susceptible to fretting, I haven't conquered anything.....no wonder I don't see things through a divine perspective!!! It's like a dream world!
Only if I confess my temptation to fret and bring it to the Lord and give myself wholly over to His word can my "not fretting" be called "faith"

So....here we go. I've been called to teach the 3 year olds at Bethlehem....and I want it to count for the kingdom. I want these children to feel the weight of the truth of God in the telling of the history of God's faithfulness to his people. Lord willing, He'll use a little nobody like me.

Side note:
Jeremiah 1:17
God said to Jeremiah,
"Get up and get dressed. Go out, and tell them whatever I tell you to say. Do not be afraid of them, or I will make you look foolish in front of them."