Dang.......

You need to watch this video..........Praise the Lord for her fearless faithfulness!

92 and Unafraid

Pascal's thoughts

My husband and I went for a drive yesterday to Stillwater just to putz around and get some fresh air and exercise. (we're antsy for the nice weather)
To our surprise we spent about 4 hours looking around at antiques and things.......sooo odd....I never thought we'd be the "type" to do that.....and .......enjoy it ?
The best part was this OLD bookstore. They had books from the 1800's....and one that I found in the philosophy section was by Pascal just simply titled "thoughts"

It was the guys journal........and some of the thoughts were hilariously off......but some were reverent and RIGHT ON. Real life experience and scripture = BAM!

(I've enjoyed reading his writings and have most recently been inspired by this post from my friend "me" - it's tremendous)

In the command that Jesus gave to His disciples when they accompanied him to the garden of Gethsemane, Pascal clarified the implication of Christ's command to them.

Matt 12:41
"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation."

Pascal - "one falls into temptation because they pray not"

nuff said
yikes.

His mercies NEW every morning

How do you get a thankful heart ???
I'm thinking.......by paying attention to all that the Sovereign God orchestrates.

I've noticed that though I love my husband more than anyone........I still struggle in the mornings when we've gone to bed after an argument or misunderstanding EVEN though we've hugged and communicated to each other forgiveness and love.

This morning was one of those mornings. Both he and I have been wrestling with direction regarding our current employment....I drive too far for work and am somewhat unhappy with my current position.......and he has a commerical drivers license and had gotten a ticket over a mistake and he shared this info with his boss about 3 weeks ago......
Since then, we've just been waiting to hear what would come of it.
(commerical DL's you have super strict rules with points, etc for insurance reasons)

Well, within the last 24 hours, we've gone up and down in grace so rapidly you'd think that we were on a roller coaster. Seriously, I need a yak bucket when considering my inconsistent heart.
We went from love and encouragement one minute to impatience with each other at the Library - then home and did our devotional time together and had a blessed conversation about the Lord........then BAM - selfishness and confusion -RIGHT BEFORE we're about to go to sleep!

We were given enough grace to remind each other of the love for the other, but then this morning - I woke up crabby and all confused and have to work through the events of yesterday and make war on my flesh to not be bitter at him.....WHAT THE CRAP !!??

So, God in His mercy this morning brought about some great news that my husband texted me. His job is secure.......but he's still going to finish re-vamping his resume with a view in mind that he would make enough to support both of us so that I could stay home with our children when the comes. (what a man!) By God's grace, I've won the battle this morning.......in seeing the mercy of God to us, in the midst of my struggle.
I have to say though, mercy is not usually SO EVIDENT. Oftentimes, thoughts of how much I don't deserve my next breath will be the only way that I can get focused on Mercy. Oh, the western brain, so full of entitlement. I love Johnny Mac's (MacArthur) comment on a sermon series I have about the Love of God: "the question is what kind of God lets any sinner LIVE??"
This the God we're dealing with here......."the fact that a sinner doesn't get what the sinner deserves, when the sinner deserves it tells us something about the love of God doesn't it?"
Um....more than somewhat.

Anycrux, it's evident that Mercy has been my meditation lately......and the few texts that came to my heart this morning were:

Lam 3:22-26
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning; GREAT is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."

Matthew 5:7
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."

Matthew 9:13
"But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'
For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

God's mercy is new every morning.....and He desires that we would give freely what we've been given. Matthew 10:8 "Freely you have received, Freely give."

"Thorn tips, flesh ripped for the heathen; A purple robe they smacked on him; Psalm 22, the Father turned His Holy back on Him" Selah. ~ Cross Movement

When we cry out for mercy Father, remind us that it is not a gift to be hoarded, but to be given continuously and freely to others, as you renew your mercy every morning with such a people as us. Inconsistent in love, conditional in our forgiveness and pride filled, self seeking and imperfect even in our deeds of love.

In Jesus Name for His Sake ~

J2B

A WARNING about Mercy

I know.....warning? What?

I'm reading this book lately which is blowing my mind.....my heart has been exposed by God's word both through the book and my husbands devotional time with me.

There are 2 people who come to my mind when I think of my hardest tests of love in which I FAILED miserably........I walked away from both of them......one, a former step-mother. The other a former roommate. Both are pretty much out of my life, but the ending of those relationships looms over my heart like a dark cloud.
"I've forgiven them" I have said. "I just don't care to see them again"
But I hadn't thought about how just saying the words "I forgive you" nor mustering up some moment of NOT feeling ill will towards them is NOT forgiveness.
(when 2 days later if someone were to bring either name up, I'd feel bitterness all over again)

I've been reading about me (sinners)......and there is this 3 word sentence that is plaguing me in all areas of my life. Past and present (in my marriage)

The words are "Suspect Yourself First"

It is the nitty gritty of the battle that rages within. In our minds, we bring someone to court, as the prosecuting attorney, the judge and the jury......and within 30 seconds, we will have all of the evidence examined, and come back with the verdict "guilty" everytime.
For the LONGEST time, I was in denial about my sins against people. Denial and perhaps IGNORANCE that unforgiveness of others is dangerous to my soul.........it got a bit too easy to be quick to point out others failings....especially when it was a sin against me. I wanted them to 'pay' for their wrongs against me via my giving them the silent treatment or a sharp/sarcastic word here and there........or just plain distance......withholding forgiveness was my punishment of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The warnings are from the mouth of the Son of God
Matt 6:14-15
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Oh, to take this verse to heart ..............
Now, in marriage, so much makes sense to me. In the past, when there was someone who was "causing me to sin" I would just get away from that person, rather than look within at my own sin. I have been as the wicked servant in the parable: (notice Peter thinks of it as I did....just an external obedience to the law "how many times must I....?" agh......)
I filled my name in, as I sometimes do...to help me feel the weight of the verse, as it is directed to all of us believers - personally, as a warning.

Matt 18:21-34
"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

"Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, Jennifer was brought to him, and she owed him ten thousand talents. And since she could not pay, her master ordered her to be sold, with her spouse and children and all that she had, and payment to be made.
So the servant fell on her knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for Jennifer, the master of that servant released her and forgave her the debt. But when that same servant went out, she found one of her fellow servants who owed her a hundred denarii, and seizing them, she began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.' So her fellow servant fell down and pleaded with her, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' She refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When her fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then her master summoned her and said to her, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger her master delivered her to the jailers, until she should pay all her debt. (ie..Hell) So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

Oh, Lord, fix my heart....heal this wickedness that holds onto wrongs.....in a sense holding someone to 'pay what they owe' by not forgiving the wrong done against me.
AS IF I have not been set free from my debt against you.
Help me to see my wickedness and to seek their forgiveness for the wrongs that I deny or dismiss or excuse away in my flesh.
Save my soul from this evil, and all my beloved friends who love your Name as I do.
In Jesus Name,

Jen2

Nowhere to run........

So...our huge sailing ship is docked here in Costa Rica......even though we´re on land, it feels like the ground is rocking....it´s the most odd feeling ever........well, for Jamie and I....the other passengers......it´s probably meeting two blonde girls who are not at all what they probably assumed...

There are more crew members than passengers....the food is superb.....and being served is very hard as a believer. You just know deep down that you should not be treated so well......as a sinner.

Yep....God has opened the door for the word....awkward as it is....it´s a tremendous blesssing.
Yesterday at breakfast, in an effort to dig for my juice plus in my windstar bag....I took my bible out and set it on the table. THAT seemed to be the HUGE invite for people to come and talk with us about ¨what they believe and don´t believe about God¨
I´m amazed at the pluralism that permeates people EVEN in their 40s and 50s.
So much ¨believe this or that, whatever is ´right´for you¨ crap.
Yak.
Praise the Lord for the grace to meet them in their heresy and gently offer the alternative......black and white OBJECTIVE truth about the I AM who says ¨I AM WHO I AM¨ not I am who you want me to be. One man was broken over the question of all questions and seemed to be searching my face for an answer........He wept as he told us of how his dear friend had passed away at a young age of cancer, leaving a wife and children behind. I was feeling his grief in some way I never have before felt for someone I didn´t know.....I even wanted to hug him as if he was my grandpa......
Instead of potentially weirding him out, I prayed as I set my heart to assure him that God does what he pleases for His glory, and that He feels complex emotions even as he ordains things such as this. Jesus wept over Jerusalem, even though he spoke of how not all Jews would believe because they were not of His sheep. He loves and He is Sovereign. Both.
¨God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked¨
¨Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His Saints.¨
It may sound as a harsh truth to share in that moment....but Jamie is my witness....God gave me compassion in how I said it - Thanks be to Christ !

During THIS conversation, other people........seemed to be lingering. One of the crew members was a believer.....and came up to us refreshed and excited.....turns out he is the only Christian on the whole crew.......all of the others were either Muslim or Catholic.

Also, we met a tremendous couple who know God´s amazing grace so well that you can SEE it in their eyes as they talk about the Savior. They have been married for 20 years - BOTH were formerly living in the gay lifestyle. (She a lesbian, he was gay)
Their tenderness and compassion for broken sinners was absolutely beautiful. I´ll probably commit a whole post to our dinner with them last night on the ship......OH the Love of our God.....His steadfast love to those who live for Him and love His Son is endless.

After sharing the gospel with a few people that day, the savoring of it myself was increased about 100 fold. I went to the front of the ship....looking for a place to watch the ocean that my God had parted all those years ago.......to just kneel in adoration of His power and love and kindness and mercy.........but there were people everywhere.

It so odd when you share the gospel.....you realize just how wretched you are and how far away from Holy you are.......and you long to get lower before God....for Him to change your wicked heart to feel and act rightly.

It´s only Wednesday.........so far, no persecution....just a bit of awkwardness as the word has spread that we are lovers of Jesus throughout the entire ship - crew and passengers.
Lord willing, Jamie and I will be faithful to His word.....regardless of the outcome.

May the Lord be glorified through us worthless clay pots that are holding this most precious treasure.
Christ crucified. Risen. Reigning. Please pray for us family in the Lord - to see fruit.

Jesus, you are everything to me.
your sheep,
jennifer