When the Love of a Sinner reflects their Savior.........
I feel so foolish so often.....seeing my behavior not line up with the truth that I subscribe to. One of my good friends described being appalled by her own behavior as somehow being outside of herself watching herself speak cruel words to her husband and thinking "wow, you're really mean"
The need for self reflection time was provoked by a dear sister from my former church who said quite bluntly "your sin looks so very wicked when committed by someone else"
owie.
If I was a girl who knew me......who saw how blessed I was to have the husband I have, I'd feel the weight of the scripture MORE I think. SAD. What applies to how a woman is to love and respect her husband in the hard times? AND what am I believing about my FATHER's giving me to such a man?
All in all, my husband is a man who strives......he has come to rescue me from my pathetic self too many times to count when I've been trapped inside my own mind by lies that threaten to define my reality and destroy my marriage.
I don't deserve him. Him, who is not perfect either....who has his own struggles......continues to lay aside his own concerns and hopes to come and get low with me in my muck. My heart melts every time by the sincere love in his voice......he reflects Jesus much more than I ever give him credit for.
So, we're studying Hosea for my bible study...his character, his life's purpose.....and I see my husband's role in my life..............and his. He is getting a better understanding of what it is like to love an imperfect bride, what God's love is REALLY like for his church......the height and depth and breadth......and I'm learning how humbling it really is to be loved by such a one.
Covenant love is such a peculiar thing.
I have some issue, some idolatry of some expectation of some sort that is not met....and I give myself over to my idolatry ....by being so hurt and so discontent that my marriage isn't this or that, and in a BIG way reflect the harlotry of Gomer.......she continues to run from a man who loves her....and her husband goes to find her, in the midst of her worldly pursuits (her prostitution) and he brings her back to himself.
This is the love of the Father......the love of His Son for his Bride, the church. "Never will I leave you nor forsake you."
Ramble ramble. I love him......Christ Jesus. and I love seeing him in my dear husband, Brent. To God be the glory in his church.
Here I am......getting mocked again. :)
I'm pretty sure that God moves me around into different positions and etc for two reasons, one: to sanctify me by making clear just how rebellious and wicked my heart is so that he can change me and two: the LOST sheep are here somewhere. (always)
I'm not thinking on the human idea of "Success" as being only when people come to trust in Christ.........but the questions being more like -
Did I represent Him well? Was I faithful? Was I a coward?
Did I count Christ as my treasure ABOVE the praises of people, ABOVE my job security?
That is where the battle is for us and it sometimes discourages me when I hear people saying that they guard what they say at work and call it "wisdom"
Back in 2000, I worked for UsBank as a lender.......the security guard OVERHEARD a conversation about Jesus that I had with a client and went to my supervisor and said she was offended. So, I got written up for it.
Shortly after that, another situation....this time with a professing believer co-worker of mine, one whom I had had fellowship with, but was a bit skeptical of her conversion.......my doubt was semi-confirmed when she begun dating a muslim man and having him sleep over in her bed with her 3 small children home. He moved in with her and though I was a baby Christian, I knew the word well enough to know that that was 'off'. I wrote her a letter from the grief of my heart and mailed it to her home. (knowing that it wasn't something to discuss at work, as it was pretty sensitive stuff) Well, she brought it to work, and though it was worded in the most kind way........she was so ANGRY with me and gave it to my supervisor.....and then I was written up again. (now I know that I could have pursued the bank and required a transfer due to freedom of speech laws, but then, I was just worn out from it all....so I quit a couple months later)
The moral of this story.......I didn't fire back insults at her.....but told her that I cared which resulted in her cursing me out and that was that.
The SAME SUN that melts the ice - hardened the clay.
The same truth will affect different hearts - differently. To some we are a fearful smell of death and judgement.....to others, a life giving perfume.
To M&I bank I went.....in 2003.
Enter, banker training, sit in the front row to minimize my distractions.....and 1 minute before class starts, a nice young man walks in and sits in the seat next to me. He has NO idea what he's in for. Lunch break after lunch break that entire week, we discussed the things of the Lord, and he had questions like no one I'd ever talked to before.....
I shared ONLY the law with him, because he didn't see the NEED for a Savior.......also, I gave him a disciple CD (GREAT God fearing band) and invited him to the concert that was that weekend. They shared the gospel and he repented in tears.....the fruit that came from that brother immediately was like nothing I'd ever seen before.....and though he struggles like all of us, he continues to bear fruit today.
To North Star Resource Group as an executive assistant to a very difficult couple of men.
The Lord put me there for a few reasons I think.....one, to quiet me down, to slow me down in my responses to people who deal harshly....because it was a very harsh and arrogant environment where people who are higher up look at you as though you're nothing but the one who washes their toilet. (which is GOOD for someone who wants to take on the character and form of a servant)
Anycrux, I met a guy there, who was a good friend of mine......but who mocked me and scoffed at my faith and my thoughts of sin - which was especially hard, because this person knew me very very well and SAW my sin.....some of the worst of me.....and for the longest time, I thought my testimony was destroyed and he'd never see Jesus if he was looking at me in the filth of my sin.
(I actually lost my patience with him a number of times - so not cool)
Moral of that story - I learned that Christ is MIGHTY to save - that guy came to know Christ about a year or so later, and he called me up and asked me to lunch....where he apologized for mocking me and said that he understood now the severity of sin and told me that he had been saved by grace. God used me despite.....me. I could weep just thinking about that.
Fast forward to today.........I work at a small credit union.....
I LOVE my co-workers as if they were my own family......there are 14 or so of us....the president is a wonderful God fearing man who prays for his employees often. The two guys in my dept are like brothers to me......I feel like I've known them forever......and it's like a repeat of my experiences to see them mock and scoff at God, the same ways that other NOW believers did.
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders;
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished.
Sigh. I am not offended, but knowing the one who is offended, terrifies me for them if they do not take refuge in the one who gave them life.........
(please pray for these if you would)
let us never forget that our purpose in life is NOT to have a purpose in THIS life.
Let goods and kindred go - this mortal life also, the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still.
HIS KINGDOM IS FOREVER!!!
Those around you are eternal beings......they will go to one of two places.......and if we are not faithful to tell them that the King is returning for His faithful - we are cruel indeed.
Ez 33:1
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.'"
