A need for repentance ~

I spent the day alone today.....as my husband was out fishing with a dear brother in the Lord.....
Normally I love being alone..and have great joy in the Lord and through His word am encouraged.....but not today.
Today was one of those days of shutting up with no excuses to offer the Lord for my behavior or for my attitudes.....just nothing.
I live blocks away from the place where my church held the national Desiring God conference, but since my husband and I have a bid on a house....we were not able to afford to go this year......but thanks to one of the FEW righteous uses of the internet and DG, the sermons were posted so that we could listen to the preaching just hours after it was recorded live.

The sermon I posted earlier pierced me.....and it hurts still and I don't believe it will go away any time soon. The rebukes that came from pastor Mark Driscoll were so dead on and I continued in shock as I went about my day -almost as a zombie to the world. The rubukes came in just the right tone at just the right time, by God's grace.....
I've been wrestling with wanting to be a more compassionate person.....to be more "winsome' as some of my anonymous critics have said........wondering how can it be possible to not mince God's words - but to speak with love AND truth?
On top of that I had been just caught up with cares of this life......(and his rebuke to women who just indulge in comforts and pleasures and possessions and sit around doing nothing and expecting everything to be done for them was a great warning)

Back to using words wisely............words that cut and offend....... The crux of the matter that I've come to ......is that if I use the sword correctly, people will and should get cut. Better to be injured in pride and ego now and saved through the pain, than to be coddled now and go to hell. Pastor Driscoll mentioned that in some seminaries people are being told to sugar coat their preaching so they don't offend or get hurt......to which he replied "well, yeah, the guy who wrote the bible was murdered, I'm pretty sure we know how this is going to go down."

So, I asked myself if I am willing to love, to tell the truth and to be hated without cause - can I rejoice?
I repent of my passivity for the sake of gaining acceptance......of my silence amongst those whom I love in Christ, lest I should speak up and not be invited to spend time with them again. What is this fear of men?

Truth is precious....and God's word cuts deep........
Lord give us grace to yield to your word. Without you we cannot....we will remain foolish and self seeking.

I have yet to develop thoughts on this............as I am in the midst of dealing with a situation that involves someone whom I've told the truth......a person whom I love in Christ.......but this person seems emotionally driven..(and i KNOW all too well the workings of lies on one's emotions)...and does not like to hear truth....I believe that they would rather just sit and wallow in their sinful pity party and shaking their fist at God than to see what God says about their situation / attitude and what His mind and heart say about the trials that they are facing.
It is a dangerous thing to have a hard heart. I've dealt with others who've gone down the path of no repentance and emotionalism who say that I've been a bad friend because I tell them the truth. Though I talk to them with love and sincerity, sometimes with tears; My heart is completely engaged in seeking their good. But they do not want to 'get preached at' but would rather I sit and listen to them spew out things contrary to scripture. That is their definition of a 'good friend'
Now surely, a good friend loves at all times.....but better are wounds from a friend than kisses from an enemy.
A true friend does not want to see their friends held captive in the lies of satan or the cares of this life.......a real friend wants to remind their friend of their freedom....of their Father.....of their Highest hope.
I do not know where this will end, and I pray with sorrow and hope.

May God bring us all back to REAL fellowship where we listen and encourage and rebuke and admonish one another freely - with love and boldness that we may be sanctified.

In Christ Jesus,
jennifer