A state of peaceful closure.

Tonight was what God has been preparing me for over the last days and weeks. The conclusion of a chapter in my life that has been in process for over 3 years is finally complete.....and the Lord had planned it.....and has mercifully given me grace to endure it. Trials and pain change a person.....in ways that you cannot change back. (if you seek the Lord in the midst of them)
James 1:2-4
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. "

I hear that second part directly "Let" steadfastness have its full effect, Jennifer. (that's a whole blog topic itself..........)

What I meant by the chapter/trial in my life that is complete.......tonight was the sacrifice of the last little bit of hope that there was for a future with a certain man.....one that I had loved for so long. The feelings that had held my heart together for him all that time.....have come undone so slowly that I hardly noticed....through periods of questioning and odd periods of indifference that caught me off guard. (as the Lord loves to do.)
After talking to him tonight, it seems that God was doing the same work in him.
He is a dear man, a brother in Christ Jesus...and whatever we were to learn through the joy and pains I'm sure will reveal itself in due time. One huge thing that I'm taking away is knowing this one thing well - I loved who he wanted me to be....who he believed and hoped that I could be- for the sake of the name of Jesus, whom I love.
It may sound depressing to some to hear that a man had made known his qualms about who a woman was and what she should be like.....but very rarely do men challenge me to be more of a woman - a woman who fears the Lord in her speech and conduct. I liked that he told me that ladies shouldn't be crass, nor obnoxious, nor over humorsome in their speech...and that there were certain things he wouldn't discuss in front of me or movies that he wouldn't take me to......I believe that was because he felt that ladies shouldn't be around such things. I felt challenged to get and keep my heart open to rebuke for my own good.......challenged to be submissive and being in a relationship with someone who believed that I could be -was a tremendous blessing.

He probably did all of this without even knowing most of it.......but the Lord has heard my thanksgiving, even now, for this same sense of closure that I had had just one month prior to our second round of dating.
It was not in vain, and I cannot be broken today over regrets........I feel an odd sense of freedom.

I have to say that I hope that the training that I received (from the Lord) while dating him, has resulted in changes that will benefit my future husband....(should that be a portion I might receive) But one thing I know, regardless, is that it was a good experience in my quest for a more holy heart.

It is well with my soul- better then good. :) After all, I know where my hope is.

Thank you to all of my dear friends for sticking by me through all of this.......and for your prayers. No doubt that the Lord has heard them and blessed me with this amazing peace and contentment - and desire for Himself more than anything. I love you friends.

Held firm by grace,
Jen2