Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Honoring the Lord and One Another
in ALL Pursuits ~

This entry is on being pursued - just a few thoughts from a girl's perspective

Well, how to put this in a nice way?
Just to qualify all of my little comments no means when I say "guys" or "girls" do I mean to put all people into those two views are still so under developed.....this just happens to be a thread of conversation amongst the single friends I have that are truly seeking to honor and obey the Lord in all of their pursuits, including keeping an open heart to receive the blessing of a spouse or of singleness.


After having conversations lately with dear brothers who are seeking to honor the Lord in their pursuit of a wife, it's apparent to me that guys see the meaning of pursing a girl much differently than we girls see it.
Brothers seem to think more along the lines of pursing a girl to be "getting to know her" and girls seem to take being pursued more to heart, we inherently trust that the brother knows enough about us to believe that we could very possibly be their wife...........which is why so many women end up with their heart in their hands wondering why she even gave the guy the time of day in the first place. It's not that the guy wasn't "serious." He was serious - but he was serious about merely "getting to know her."

Many guys view 'dating' as a means to finding out if the girl 'suits' them......rather than thinking, (as my mentor's husband put it) "Am I the best man to lead this woman?"
PRAISE THE LORD for James ......seriously......he's given my brother and many other men a God-centered view of what it means to pursue and love a wife as Christ does his church.

And that question (the one in BOLD) is something that (in my little opinion) should be sought, if not found out by the man PRIOR to his initiating a 'dating/courtship' relationship.......preventing her from having the unnecessary pain of a break up.

I can tell you that when men have pursued me who know me very little, if at all….....and even if he seems like a great guy and I'm attracted to has felt dishonoring - since what can his decision be based on but merely physical appearance or a very brief conversation?

It's boils down to the timing in which the guy makes a move. If it’s too soon, in my mind......the brother hasn’t had time to pray and think about the foundation of the potential relationship – as in………is this girl genuinely seeking the Lord?…..does she have the qualities to be a helpful and tender /loving wife and mother?

Now, if a guy thinks a girl is attractive - seriously you can't rip on that - because that is how God made men...……a place to start sure..……..but that doesn’t mean that he should pursue her time and affection based on that alone ….he should watch a girl to see her heart……does she love and fear the Lord, does she have a meek and calm spirit that is resting on Christ, does she seek to serve people and love and honor others above herself?

****It’s a far more effective approach when asking a girl for some of her time, to say something about how you’re noticed specifics about and have appreciated her character, and that her physical beauty only compliments that. Beauty fades - but women who love Christ become more beautiful with age......through and through.

Ladies -
When we're being pursued - we need to think about this seriously.........Does what matters to God- matter to this man? Has he really given time and prayer and thought to where he's attempting to take the relationship ? (as in, from friends to dating)
If not, seriously........don't play games with his heart, nor yours. Let time go by - let friendship develop and watch him. If he turns right around and asks every other girl out - you've made a good choice in declining the first time.
However, If the initial turn down causes him to wonder and seek the Lord more diligently - and after a few months he asks you again - THIS is a man you might want to take note of.
What girl of us wants to merely be an "option" ? Forget that noise.

That is what Christ did in redeeming his bride. He chose us, and He is forsaking others that we might know we are cherished and beloved of God. (don't get all caught up on the position we hold as loved of God because it is SO not because "WE are so lovely".......that's not even close to the truth behind our redemption)

Christ loved His bride, and bought her at a high cost. He gave His life for her to purify her, and bring her to himself. Loving her with her imperfections and sin and all, HE PAID FOR THEM and does not count them against her........

His life was spent and his love was set on us - while we were yet sinners and long before we loved Him. *sigh* NOW THAT is worth dreaming after......our glorious king will return for us........He promised....and he didn't mince words.....He said
Is 43:1b "I have called you by name and you are mine."
Is 62:5b "....As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God
rejoice over you."

So, let us pray and wait.

"No More Dating - I'm just waiting
Like sleeping beauty -
My prince will come for me - he'll come for me!!"
Cause God is writing - My love story

~ Barlow Girl



At 2/22/2007 7:01 AM, Blogger Frank Martens said...

"is this girl genuinely seeking the Lord?…..does she have the qualities to be a helpful and tender /loving wife and mother?"

Ya know... there's another question that sticks out to me: "is she willing to follow?"

I think if the answer is yes... then that indicates that she doesn't have to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed in her theology. Because if she follows the mans leadership, then those things will change.

At 2/22/2007 7:07 AM, Blogger Jen2 said...

I couldn't agree more. Good point brother ~

At 2/26/2007 9:09 PM, Anonymous Heather Nord said...

Haven't heard from you for a while. Glad to see you got closure. Me too, finally, but not so sweetly as yours, I must say. I am not so blind anymore. And pity for the man he is, mourning the neglect of the man he may never be (my ex-he, not yours). I am proud to have escaped by the grace of God. The pain was worth the realization that there is FAR better that God has destined for me... FAR FAR FAR better!

Please call me, or email me, or whatnot. I miss you, sister. Praying for you.

At 3/15/2007 8:56 PM, Blogger Jen2 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 3/15/2007 8:59 PM, Blogger Jen2 said...

Hey Heather ~
I'm not sure if you'll come back to read this or not......

Breakups are super super hard.....
I hope and pray that you don't let your heart grow cold sister....toward S or anyone else that the Lord may use to challenge your faith throughout your life....but let the trials softly break your heart wide open before the Lord.....take advantage of them to go deep with God through suffering.

Because, surely I can understand that the temptations of the flesh, in that it finds it easier to "let go" initially by thinking about all of the negative things about the person who has broken your heart...... but the spiritual damage from having such negative emotions --toward a brother in Christ none-the-less....minimizes the work of God on the Cross.
S is I believe you are also. Surely, he is still a sinner, (as we are too) and when we forgive our family in the Lord....and demonstrate the love of Christ toward those who cursed him......we MAGNIFY His worth.
"By this the world will know that you are my disciples, by your love for one another"

Let us not forget what the cross and the empty tomb were about dear sister.
All of the redeemed - all of our sins......PAID IN FULL.
There is no room for finger pointing when we examine our own hearts in the areas that desperately need the power of God to sanctify them.
Oh, I hope that you are doing better, by God's grace.....better in a way that loves - nothing held back.

With my heart I pray to God with you,

3/15/2007 8:56 PM


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