Thursday, January 18, 2007

Friendships & Singleness ~

I get so much advice on what to do with this and that circumstance, and seriously, guys and girls give exactly opposite's mindboggling.
The whole goal in courtship seems to be - to pursue the relationship, but prayerfully and slowly at first - yet not with so much force that if either decides to pull back that it would completely rock either person's world.

My girls are constantly reminding me that my heart needs to be guarded.......(especially lately with the recent breakup) and that it's a girl's responsibility before God to limit her little heart's exposure to anyone of the opposite sex unless and until the timing is right and the man has truly demonstrated the perseverance it takes to draw out the deepest a way, he really needs to fight for it. Fighting his own selfish ambitions, his frustrations, the misunderstandings that come when trying to interpret the female heart.
I think I'm learning this lately......that to see Christ in a man, in his giving up himself for his bride (Jesus/the church) is a necessary precursor to marriage. Without the man being able to give up his rights and go to the funeral of himself, the girl will not feel safe to be vulnerable, nor loved, nor cherished as God intended. We know the love of God in Christ by his persevering and suffering and dying.
It's amazing to me that when my last boyfriend was the most loving and tender with me -
the desire to follow him came EASY - it was EASY to trust him and submit to his decisions and leadership......because I trusted that the Lord was his leader in that he was being sensitive to God's headship of him. The man's obedience before God is a blessing to the woman - in that she finds freedom to obey the command to respect and follow her (potential) husband with great joy.

On the flip side of the coin, this is difficult for myself and other women like me who don't really enjoy superficial conversations......I would rather cut myself open and bleed with my friends than pretend that "all is well" and never get to know my family in the Lord.
So herein lies my dilemma.......

Guys have said that a girl should not presume that a guy is interested in anything more than a friendship unless he makes that intention known - verbally.
And to that I say, sure! - that's reasonable......since I know girls who swoon and think that guys are interested in them if the brother simply says "hi" and practices Christian kindness.
(even though he is kind every other sister also....but women seem not to notice that part)

My girls say (thank you friends) that as women we need to keep watch over our hearts by limiting our brother's access to our time, unless he makes his intentions clear...and even then.......guarding our hearts by limiting what we talk about.

So........can guys and girls be friends?


At 1/18/2007 10:19 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

"this is difficult for myself and other women like me who don't really enjoy superficial conversations"

Hahaha--ahem....doo doo doo...

GOOD post, sister!! What a very pertinent subject - wish I had something to add to the mix, but I'm about as clued in as you on how to go about doing so--guarding my heart in the right manner and such.

At 1/18/2007 11:59 AM, Blogger Jen2 said...

Clue....Less...I know.

One more thing that just came to my mind that I've learned that the very best marriages, the ones that I admire the most -are built on Christ of course, but are truly established in a best-friendship (agape and filio)
So as romantic love (Eros)comes and goes, the deeper love remains...the Agape....the Godly love. That's the one that lasts forever, it is the Holy Spirit himself. (God is Love)

At 1/18/2007 9:46 PM, Blogger Frank Martens said...

Yes it is ok to be friends.

But you will have to seek the Lord to figure out how you should spend your time.

At 1/19/2007 11:38 AM, Blogger Craver VII said...

Friends?? Hmmm... bring food, then we'll talk.

At 1/22/2007 9:02 AM, Blogger Frank Martens said...

I just noticed something... Look at Philipians 4...

most noteably this section...

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


At 1/26/2007 12:47 PM, Blogger Joanna Martens said...

This is a tough one. Especially when you have deep feelings for a person and trying to guard your heart or limit your time is gouge-out-your-eyes painful. God's spirit is needed so much!!
Patience sucks too. you want to know NOW what will become of it... but waiting for God to reveal His will- or maybe He already has and you just don't want to acknowlege it (yes, believers can do that too), is so difficult. patience! patience! submission!

At 1/28/2007 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I saw your name on EP's blog and after reading this post, I couldn't help but grin. Romantic relationships are so complicated, and we Christians make them even more so. Still, you've obviously shown both wit and wisdom in your approach to it. Thank you for sharing such thoughts with the world. I know I have appreciated them, since I too can struggle with being single. Not to mention all the complications that go along with it.

But take heart. There are plenty of men, too, who don't enjoy superficial conversation. My prayer for you is that you find a great one. And never forget God is with you. I find as long as I remember that, nothing can worry me too much.

EP's friend Peach


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