"My sins, my sins, my Saviour, How sad on Thee they fall."

"The entrance into the Kingdom is through the panging pains of repentance crashing into a man's respectable goodness; then the Holy Ghost, Who produces these agonies, begins the formation of the Son of God in the life.
The new life will manifest itself in conscious repentance and unconscious holiness, never the other way about. The bedrock of Christianity is repentance. Strictly speaking, a man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God. The old Puritans used to pray for "the gift of tears." If ever you cease to know the virtue of repentance, you are in darkness. Examine yourself and see if you have forgotten how to be sorry. "

~ Ozzie Chambers

It's so plain that no matter how much I try to feel repentant, I cannot. Isn't the Sovereign control of God over our daily repentance ability a huge testament to the fact that we cannot muster up faith and love and gratitude and joy ourselves?
I feel like such a self reliant fool lately....and I'm a wee bit nervous about that fact....because..... what I remember God doing whenever I get like this - wellp....He pretty much puts me right into the most firey types of trials - until I cannot bear it any longer - which leads me to cast my all at His feet. I loathe and love the fact that I cannot humble myself...but that the Lord must do it.

Wellp, I'm heading to tend to trial #3,403,984 - my bank's audit is on Monday and I need to fine tooth comb everything to be sure all will go smoothly. (stressful- is an understatement)

Then I'm driving home IN trial #3,403,985 - my car broke down last Saturday and I'm probably going to buy this little car I'm driving called a Mazda3. I originally wanted to keep my old car and drive it for another 100k miles to have a bit of time without a car payment due every month, but God said no. Still....still not sure what's with getting a 'no' on that one..but I guess we'll see?

Then I go home to trial #3,403,986 - which, praise the Lord is settling down a bit. To sum it up... room mates. Four sinners (including me) living in close proximity, sharing bills and space........whew. Nuff said. (more info, I'm the baby of the group, and I'm the only one with reformed theology)

Then I'm probably going to spend time with my boyfriend tonight.......who is wonderful.....but still - relationships are hard work......and it's odd to be so thankful for something that is so painful sometimes...... (trials #3,403,802 - 3,403,983 and to be continued)

James 1:2-4

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Praise the Lord !!! He's gonna let me become more like Jesus!!

1 Thess 5:23-24

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."